Now You know...

I will marry a VIRGIN....

now you know...

I was so excited, ...my trusted-buddy
Yes I did it!  I made it!  I clang into the air
I rarefied the sly from my childhood days truckers

now you know...

I wailed days and again when they stop stalking me
but I had the confession and bind of mum's
"don't stay close to any man"

now you know

Yeah, I overcame with no levity even
the bully from my adolescenthood mockers
I cried too many times
but clung to dad's
"just make a difference "

now you know

Aha Yes!  I won through this
the hate from my adulthood beef-ers
I whimpered in my reverie
but I was wrapped in clergy's
"marry a virgin "

now you know

Oh! The joy this brings!
Out of my early 20s "intact"
Oh! The pride I feel dries those shimmers of rejections
those oneirisms are in my palms
I have shove the bête noir of my allies

now you know

Alack those days!  I was of little confidence
I'm almost here, not there anymore
The long awaited day blazes in my eyes
I'll shed all that blood for "my beloved "

now you know

I chuckled aloud, uncontrollably giggled and far between tittered
in the strength of my thrill I laid on the shoulder of my "trusted-buddy"

now you know

Phew! I was in cold shoulder
I jolted and searched those happy face of my "trusted-buddy"
I saw less as I looked more
the pale face managed a wry

now you know

Oh golly!  My happy retrospect had turned a noir
What way had this shoulder-lean hurt?
I can't afford to lose my "trusted-buddy"
the friendship meant rapture to me
She laughs when I did
She cries if that's all we could do together

 but.... I want to marry a virgin...
In the pool of my blood I muttered
 ábas my flood of tears I cringed

My "trusted-buddy" held my hands ...
... I was jealous! she yelled in insanity
I couldn't fight the rive
I lost mine over decades in my own escapade
How dare you marry a virgin?
I tried, the broke into tears
I tried to fight that wrath, that hate
That... "oh she feels better than me "
I lost to envy, forgive me!  She wailed

That wasn't for me, was it?
How do forgiveness happen?
When do amnesia remember?
How dare my mind erase this rape?
Rape planned by my "trusted-buddy"

I wanted to marry a virgin, she had me raped, brutally.
She stole the world I have built with diamonds in a flash
I lost it all
Sorry, I'll loose my mind....

now you know

                   A tale of a betrayed friend
                     Written by Elan (G. O)

I knew "Yesterday "

Yesterday, I walked in a path I ought not to
Yesterday, I ran in a lane I do not belong

And of course I got grabbed, 

I got grabbed by uncertainty

Yesterday, I needed approval to do my lot

Yesterday, I searched faces to get a nod
to move on
Yesterday, I was always deserted
Because the accolade I looked forward to never came

Yesterday I followed their routine to do my own thing
But how could I possibly fit into another's shoe though ?

I was almost losing me
I was so blind to see
To see the flaws on those I am making gods
Those I thought are getting the best of life

Yesterday, was my low self esteem
No wonder my shoes hurt that much
I was walking on their shoes
Trying hard to be them

Yesterday was my insecurity
No wonder I wasn't seen, heard nor felt
Too busy to see their hands soiled in loops and holes
See their backs inked in mistakes
And they sit tight on their shame

I forgot I was a muse
I got trodden by their judgement
How can one guilty as I am judge me?
See,  see how I forgot that
I am my own beautiful

Hey you!  I screamed to to awaken my mind
Pick up your whole pieces
And do what you were born for
Dust the haze and shine

You are worth the hazels you build in your dreams
You are worth the medal you want so much
Take yourself along, you are enough

I take for myself my dreams again
Purged my mind, held my eyes up again
AND PUSHED YESTERDAY 

I take for myself my confidence
And I'm up again

Have you pushed your yesterday?